Wedding in Cape Breton

     Now that everyone was aware of my diagnosis of MSA, it was time to face them. I knew this would be extremely hard. Even though I didn't look or act different in the beginning, I feel so different on the inside. It feels like I am going out of control on a bike but the breaks are not working, so I need to learn a new way of slowing down without falling on my face. I knew that intial meeting was going to be so tough.

    My sister that lives here in Ottawa and my niece were both going to Cape Breton as well. Thankfully, they were great and I did not realize how the stress was affecting me until it was time to go.  I felt so shaky on the inside. 

    We arrived in Halifax to be greeted by my sister who lived there at the time. I had a little melt down at this point but tried to regain my composure and talk about the trip and how thankful I was to have my older sister and my niece with me. We stayed in Halifax over night and we were treated like princesses.

   
   When I booked my flight I never even considered it was a 5 hour car ride to my hometown of New Waterford. What would I do about the bathroom? I would have to ask to stop at least every hour. As it turns out I never had to ask once, my brother-in-law thought of all this before hand and never once put me the situation of having to ask. It is these little things that mean so much now.

     


     The night before our drive, we celebrated one sister's 57th birthday. Her birthday was actually the day we were going to be on the road. We had a very lovely dinner. Homemade seafood chowder, and lobster, yummy. We had a nice celebration for my sister. 

      The next day was the drive, so we left early. We stopped often and got there around 7 hours later. Another sister was celebrating her 50th, so the plan was to arrive there for a surprise party.  We knew she would just think everyone was  coming to greet the people arriving from away. It would be a great surprise for her. This was great, but, inside I was so nervous because I knew this would be my first time seeing everyone after the news, and with a house full of people.  "Be strong, be strong", I kept telling myself. We got to the house and as suspected everyone was there, this was so nice for my two sister's, the first time they had the whole family together at their birthday!

    Believe it or not, I did keep it together and we had fun. They brought in a huge cake made by my sister-in-law which had everyone's name on it. It was a nice touch. 

     It was good to see everyone! I would be staying at my sister's who had the 50th surprise party. After everyone left,  we talked, cried and just held each other. I wondered how I was going to get through this...

     My nephews had gotten a gift certificate for their mom and me to get our nails done. This was a real treat as I had never had this done before.  Very sweet. 

     We got some visiting done while there.  I saw some great old friends.  When I was very small, I was always down at the lighthouse. The Lighthouse Keeper's daughters were my best friends. I knew I would have to see them and their mom and explain. That afternoon, one daughter stopped to see me. You know that feeling when everything is going well until you hear a certain question? Well, that is exactly what happened.  I was able to talk about MSA textbook-wise but when I would relate this to myself, this is where it got hard. I had another meltdown. My friend felt so bad and I felt bad for her.  All the emotional stress was getting to me.  I tried to explain to her what MSA was. I now know that hearing this she was in shock as well. That family was always so good to me, I am so thankful to have had so many caring people around me always.  When I went to see them at their Mom's, it was very hard to explain. I remember I was sobbing uncontrollably. They could not believe it either... I was the health nut, so, how could this be happening? We remembered, I was always  so fast at running, when we would have races, I always won, so, I would have to run barefoot to give them an advatage. We  biked, ran and swam for hours and just had so much fun together.  Some great memories. I managed to get through it and promised to stay in touch.

     The next day was going to busy because we had a wedding to pull together. So, we all got together to decorate the hall. How much joy there must be knowing so many people are coming to help you celebrate?  The hall looked beautiful!

     Finally the wedding day had arrived. We all got to the church to see the ceremony. 


     After the ceremony, we had some time before the reception. We all got together at another sister's house to wait.


    Then, came time for the reception.  When we got their it was  full of people.  We never thought about this and should have reserved seating. How was I going to manuver around the tables, and how would I get my food and walk back to the table with it? I know it had not been long since my diagnosis but I was already having other problems, like falling off balance, and I was nervous about walking back holding a plate of food with all these people.  I am normally okay in a small setting but once you put me a crowd it becomes very tough.  I could not look around and walk, I can only look straight ahead, otherwise I become off balance. Luckily, one my nieces offered to carry my food for me.

     I found a spot to sit where I would not have to move to much, in a corner, not far from the bathroom.  Everything was gorgeous, my sister had a beautiful wedding.  I got more comfortable as the night went along, so I went to talk to some old famiy friends.  We chatted for while, and at one point all my sister's got on the dance floor to dance to Cindy Lauper's, Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Then, they noticed that I was sitting down and called for me to go up.  I forgot to mention before hand that I could not dance anymore.  The signal does not get from that part of my body to the brain.  I resemble a 90 year old trying to move, and it would be too embarassing for me. I just wanted to go over to my seat, then, someone started saying, " Your family wants you to dance with them, go up with them".  This was just too much because I wanted more than anything to go up there. 

     I knew I had to get to the bathroom so no one would see the tears. Thankfully this time the bathroom was downstairs, and the music would drown me out.  I got down the stairs but there were tears streaming down my face. I passed a man on the way, who wanted to know if I was okay. Thoughtful man.   I got in the stall and could not hold it back. The tears just started streaming and I was sobbing again. There was woman in the next stall, poor thing, she kept asking if I was okay.  I assured her I was.  I did not realize until afterwards that I had not seen her face but she probably recognized what shoes I had on. When she got upstairs, she told one of my sisters I was down there crying. I felt like I should have stayed home, as I was ruining my sister's special day. I was trying to hold it together but that was too much. 

     I have aways loved dancing, in fact when my husband I would go out I would warn him to make sure he wore his dancing shoes.  We would dance all night, but those days are over.  My family came down to cosole me in the bathroom. I got it together and we went upstairs. Thankfully the bride and groom were busy and did not notice.  The rest of the night went well.  Then, I was getting ready to leave and one of my brother's said," if we waltz, I will be holding you, then you can dance".  I said,"yes".  He said, "good then let's  walstz". He said, "Now you can say you danced at your sister's wedding". So very sweet and thoughful.  I thanked him and after that said good night. What a perfect ending to an emotional day.

    The next day was going to be hard again because we were leaving to drive back.  So, the next morning I got up and packed and had breakfast. Then, I helped my sister decorate her tree. Something that we had not done since we were small girls living at home. It turned out gorgeous. 

    We then went up to my other sister's where we were leaving from. Not realizing I had eaten, my brother stopped and got some of the family's favorite, homemade bread and cheese whiz. Thankfully, the rest had not eaten yet. Thoughtful gesture. We had a few laughs, then was time to say good bye until the next time.